It is what it is

Sex in the Midwest…. Cornfields…. Hay fields…. Any field that is empty. My story starts at a very young age of 17. Met and instantly fell in love with my high school all star athlete, Luke. We had a great relationship… until I found out his dirty bad habit, 2 years after I had moved 2 hours away from my little quiet country home. Long story short, we got engaged, planned our wedding. One week before the ceremony on the day of my 23rd birthday, I had finally grasped the fact that he was not the one for me. I couldn’t fathom the fact that I was marrying something I had just settled for. I moved on….. Quickly. Never to look back again. This is where my story begins.

I met Brad through mutual friends. They thought we would be great for each other. He instantly asked me out. I turned him down, only to be set up again the next week. We went out for drinks. At that time I was only drinking water…. Never thought I could delve into the “bar scene”, I was not particularly that girl. We warmed up to eachother very quickly, although I did have some doubts in the beginning. Not sure if he was my type. But somehow he enraptured me, body and soul. The first time I was going to experience another man scared the hell out of me, but I wanted him… needed him to just melt inside of me, and we did, the best I had ever had, so good that I almost passed out just from breathing so hard and feeling his every move of his strong hands and his warm mouth… and it goes on. I was one with him. I never felt this way before… I was so excited but so scared that I wasn’t as good as his ex. I constantly compared myself to her, he never brought her up, but the fact that we were all moving in the same circle, and seeing her, I constantly wondered if he thought I was better than her. I competed with her in my head. I am a jealous woman. I can’t help it, must be the hot Spanish blood running through my veins. That was the downfall. One minute we were planning our future, I could see myself in his eye, he wanted me to meet his parents, so much that he took me cross country to do so. It was before that trip that one day I looked in his eyes, and I was gone. Gone. My heart was breaking; I delved into deeper jealousy only to ruin the relationship more. He never knew what was going on inside my head, only because I couldn’t figure him out anymore. He was gone. After the trip in felt like we were getting back the way it was. Till one night I went off on him… he didn’t know it. But I did. I was reading his actions; his words didn’t suffice enough to calm me. Three weeks after our trip, our commitment to each other was done. It was the “it’s not you, it’s me…. Everyone loves you… but I can’t get there.” Those words cut me so deep, I’ve never seen him so upset. Shaking, verge of tears, but relief. Out my door he walked away, with my heart in a thousand million jagged little pieces. I died.

Sweet Maria Elena gone……….

And this is where my story begins